Romantic relationship conflict
Summary
- Some adults with ADHD describe unequal responsibilities turning a partner into a caregiver, adding burdens and strain.
- Inattention and hyperactivity-impulsivity may relate to different conflict responses, rather than one shared pattern.
- Some respondents reinterpreted past relationships after better understanding their ADHD.
Unequal responsibilities can gradually turn a partner into a caregiver
Proposed in research
An open-ended questionnaire asked adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) to describe how ADHD had negatively affected their romantic relationships. They described how unequal responsibilities sometimes left a partner acting as a caregiver, creating practical burdens and emotional strain(O'Brien et al., 2025).
Conflict can therefore involve more than one forgotten task or lapse in attention. It can also reflect how responsibilities have gradually been divided.
Conflict responses differ for inattention and hyperactivity-impulsivity
Proposed in research
A self-report study examined two samples of young adults: one from the general population and one with diagnosed ADHD. When partners behaved poorly, greater inattention was associated with fewer constructive responses, while greater hyperactivity-impulsivity was associated with more negative responses(VanderDrift et al., 2017).
Understanding conflict means distinguishing the specific responses involved, rather than attributing everything to ADHD.
Understanding themselves helped some reinterpret past relationships
Proposed in research
In the same open-ended questionnaire, some adults with ADHD described how not understanding their own difficulties had harmed past romantic relationships. After developing a deeper understanding of themselves, they also understood those relationship experiences differently(O'Brien et al., 2025).
This offers another possible explanation: relationship difficulties may involve ADHD symptoms that a person has yet to understand, alongside questions of caring.
Evidence
References (2)
- Cohort study“I Felt Like a Burden”: An Exploration Into the Experience of Romantic Relationships for People With ADHDO'Brien, Kini‐Seery, Kelly, Kilbride, Wrigley, Nearchou, Bramham (2025). Journal of Marital and Family Therapy
- Cohort studyInattention and Hyperactivity-Impulsivity: Their Detrimental Effect on Romantic Relationship MaintenanceVanderDrift, Antshel, Olszewski (2017). Journal of Attention Disorders